The first year was a mind debate, which included the; WHAT IF’S, I SHOULD HAVE, I COULD HAVE, I DIDN’T DO, I WASN’T THERE, IF HE WOULD HAVE TOLD US, WHY ME, WHY US, WHAT ABOUT ALL HIS LOVING FAMILY, AND ON AND ON.
The last month has gotten easier, and the GUILT has been trampled upon. The shame is still swinging, ever so slightly. As there is a social stigma attached to 'suicide' or folks just don’t know how to respond. I think it could be called 'suicidal phobia'
I grew up in a home where our problems stayed in the home, 'do not talk, do not tell, do not feel.’ To talk about the death of a loved one to suicide is risky. To say his name, when thinking about him, or answer questions that some folks have, is all so foreign.
By literally forcing myself to think differently about the death of my step son to suicide has been useful. It is vital to understanding that others who want to offer support are often lost for words. Friends want to be friends, but do not know where to start. The suicide survivor can help these awkward moments, by educating the inquisitive and compassionate friend. That is stepping out; it’s like putting on a new pair of glasses.
Some friends suggest moving, I tell you first hand that would not matter. The triggers would still come rather moving to Alaska or Venezuela. We cannot run from this or drown out the pain,’ where ever we go there we are’. ‘The only way through it - is through it’ (John Wayne).
Our spiritual walk has been enhanced as a result of the trauma. The choice was easy; to move far way from our Creator, OR move towards our loving Creator. HIS hands continue to carry us. I am sure that HE doesn’t cause pain but HE sure doesn’t waste pain either! This information is coming from me, a first hand survivor of a child to suicide. Experience is the best teacher.
Thank God for the church, our pastor, prayers, and acceptance from others. Thank God for you the reader! The survivors who shared their experience, strength, and hope with us feed us water as if in a deserted desert. The aftermath on other family members is set aside for another day.
This topic is not one I ever-ever deemed to be sharing on a blog. Nor do I profess in any way to be a professional offering service! The truth be known; suicide happens, 1 in 68 by this method of violence (using a weapon) and are mostly Caucasian.
If I can help one survivor through this or touch another if in a contemplative stage of suicide, I praise the 'HOLY NAME of JESUS'. I praise the Holy Name of Jesus.
Please respond, and I won’t be offended, this is the least of my worries.
In HIS Almighty Name I share. Love Raine
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4 comments:
Hello Young Lady,
I want u to know, that I Thank God daily for skye2day, for many things, one, for the suggestion to come by here and visit! I now will add you too, to this daily thanks, and prayer! I've just read your "Food for Thought" on "Sucides". I would like now, to share with you some of my thoughts, as i was reading it, if i may?
"Wow, Wow, Wow, No Way, this cant be, Oh Lord, Oh Skye, I cant/dont believe this, No Way, this is too scary, thank you skye thank you Lord for allowing me to be here, and read this wonderful womens thoughts, story, and to get to know her, and her heart felt views"
Hope i didnt bore u, young lady but these were my thoughts, and i just wanted to share them with you, this day. hope u didnt mind!
oh by the way, fyi:For your information: It was Aug 31 1972 Where my mother and I found her brother, my favorite Uncle, lying naked in his own pool of blood in his bedroom, slit his wrist. and then it was sep 1 1976 48 months later i was informed while serving in the United States Army, that my father who just 4 days before informed me, he was going to die, (didnt believe him, at the time) was found dead in his bed! sucide. and too, they were both 52, i am now 52. And every year since then on these days/dates, I've sucked! oops sorry (off the record). all these years, i never learned how to block it, or never learn how to overcome what i was feeling its been a major major event thru out my life.
Well was that a mouthful or what?
look fwd to spending time on your efforts here.
Look fwd in learning from you as well!
In Christian Charity,
Just me!
Jim
Dear matt6v33, Love that scripture. It just 'dawned' on me that you are skye2days friend. I am her twin sister! She is a big 4minutes older. She was close with Luke (name changed).
Luke was my step son. He was in my life for 12 plus years, before he ended his life, by means of a gun. My heart goes to my gut as I pour out more of it!
The first anniversary of Lukes suicide July 12, 10 was as if I was in reverse mode and in that very day and hour, as if time had not moved. It was 'clinically' bizarre. My spouse felt the same way.
We drove around like zombies that afternoon. We ended up at a whole foods parking lot, and stood by our vehicle, watching the sunset. Quacky...yes..to some. But you my new found friend, would understand this behavior, since you have experienced a loss of this nature too.
I am grateful to be aguainted with you, and will continue to write on my blog.
I have had a difficult time linking, don't know what the 'fool' I am doing half the time. Part of it is 'grief'. I don't think we will ever get use to it, but we will get through it with Gods help.
skye2day works very hard on her blog/hub pages. She has always liked to write and it is showing, yeah. Praise God for her talent and diligence. Blessings to u over and over. IN HIM. Raine colorurdaze
Your comment was very helpful. I believe we get through it but never get use to it. Since suicide is not a natural or accidental death, it appears that closure is not a for certain. Time, prayer, and staying productive has been the most benefical 'tools' thus far. I look forward to hearing from you again.
Как говорилось на Seexi.net Помогите пожалуйста советом! У меня полно друзей но как девушку меня никто из нас не любит( я веселая с ощущением юмора, интересуюсь компьютерной графикой медициной и современной техникой, люблю попосмотреть кино и гулять с друзьями, музыку очень люблю, очень общительная тока вот видимо с парнями общаться не умею что ли?(
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